When you start something new and interesting, a lot of people have something to say about it. They’re excited, and they want to share everything they know with you. Or, they just want to pick you apart and ruin the party. Boo!
Often, this comes in the form of unsolicited advice.
- “You should really do _______.”
- “Have you thought about ______?”
- “How are you going to be successful if you don’t ______?”
Now, advice is a funny thing. Everyone’s got some for you, and they all think their version is the best!
What are you to do? You don’t want to tune out all advice; some of it’s really good! But you also don’t want to fall into the trap of trying to please everyone who has an idea for you. Last week, I even got an email with a five-point checklist of things the sender expected me to complete to his satisfaction by the following week!
I read his email, thought about it, and replied with, “Thanks. I’ll get right to work on that!” I didn’t.
A smart Riskologist accepts all advice, but acts on little. She creates a system that allows her to accept all criticism, critiques, and words of wisdom that come her way, but then filters that advice so that she’s left with only the best.
But how does that system work? How do you know what advice is best? What do you discard? What do you save?
Recently, I launched a new business project and had to come up with a system to solve this problem quickly. The second we opened our doors we were flooded with emails from friends, relatives, customers, and everyone else you can think of.
They meant well, but they overwhelmed us. So, I devised a very simple rule of thumb I now follow in order to parse the advice that matters:
All unsolicited advice must be accompanied by a payment of $29.
Why $29? Because that’s what it costs to be a customer of this new business, and our customers’ advice is the most important feedback available to us.
Our time and ability to implement advice is limited, so if we’re going to disregard some, it’s going to be the advice that comes from those that aren’t paying us to submit it!
How’s that for turning the tables? Most people pay to have advice given to them. From here on out, I’m only accepting any that comes with a payment.
This rule guarantees the advice I listen to is the advice that has the best shot of helping our business grow more. Implement it, and customers are happy and spend more. Simple.
Maybe your circumstances are different–charging money for advice isn’t the best fit for every situation—but you still need a system.
When you do something interesting—and that’s what Riskologists do—everyone wants a say in how it goes.
But the only opinions that matter are the ones that come with some sort of skin in the game. If you can find those opinions and stick to listening only to them, you win.
For me, that means unsolicited advice must also come with a $29 payment. All other ideas go to the back of line!
What’s your system? How will you make sure you’re listening to the right people in your life?
This post came to me the day after a woman in one of my yoga classes felt the need to tell me how awful my class was because I paired it to music (one of my favorite parts of my classes). She IS a paying customer, but never will be again. Of course I’m not going to switch all my classes to be music-free because one woman didn’t like it. At some point I had to realize that my classes are designed for me. I just have to hope there are others like me out there!
Another good distinction. Advice from actual customers is key, but give more priority to the ones that are willing to let you make improvements for them, not the ones that just complain and disappear!
I dance Argentine tango – not exactly light recreation for the faint of heart because of the level of commitment needed to become reasonably proficient.
In a perfect world everyone would dance with everyone. But in reality after all these years I’ve come to realize that we can’t be all things to all people.
Some will, some won’t, someone’s waiting! Like dance, business is a mutual exchange of value. Both sides should both feel that you came out ahead in the end.
And your fans – the customers who not only look forward to your next product or service but brag about you on Facebook, tweet or generally sneeze your praises – those are the ones you need to not only understand but partner with to develop your brand / hone your craft. For more on the importance of your fan base, read Kevin Kelly’s 1000 fans.
My tango friends laugh when I tell them that going to a new venue or milonga (tango event) is like a starting up a business. But, look, you’re a business with no customers, no reputation, no social proof of value..
Sure, since no one knows me, I could re-invent myself in some ways, but I know what has won over my favorite partners back home.
So, if it works.. work it! But do it for those who REALLY matter – your fans and your fans-to-be!
Actually Elle, your classes are designed for your customers.
Sure you shouldn’t change your whole M.O. based on one person’s disapproval but maybe you should run a small survey amongst your paying customers.
At worst, it will show them (including the complainer) that you care about their return.
At best, it will unearth a real complaint and make your class better (something not even necessarily related to the original complaint)
Now i’m fully aware this post is about not acting on all advice so feel free to disregard that reply
I love this advice. It’s interesting how so many people want to come and give their 2 cents (particularly those who haven’t actually made the leap to starting a business). Granted, they mean well, but good intentions don’t solve everything. Keep up the good work with this blog and BrewPony!
Thanks, Tom. Yes, many folks mean well and can often be helpful, but it’s important to know what advice is useful to you in the first place so you don’t fall down the hole of trying to please everyone all the time. That, of course, leads to no one being pleased.
My system, now that I think about it, mostly involves over-reacting and then going out of my way to make sure I don’t follow the advice offered.
I think my system needs a little tweaking.
This is not an uncommon problem. When you’re very independent, you can become almost allergic to advice. But you’re right, it doesn’t necessarily serve you, and it’s important to learn how to listen to *good* advice.
The key is learning to remain humble and open to suggestions, but from the *right* people.
Ha! This is a great idea, adds a new dimension to the “if I had a pound for…..” phrase.
I may just carry around a charity tin and tell people to stick in £2.00 every time they want to give me business/life advice . . . or if I was going to do it seriously, a business card with a QR code to a JustGiving.com page!
Thanks for the article, made me smile.
The QR code would be hilarious.
Great post! Thanks for breaking things down so clearly – a pleasure to read.
Glad you enjoyed it, Tony.
But what about the advice that comes from those that know nothing about your stuff, those that complain and then ‘pouf’ they disappear, those that are really dependent and …I could go on. Basically all those that don’t seem to fit in our system? Maybe the best system is to truly listen to what that interaction with that person does to you. The ‘advice givers’ are only outside triggers that reveal an inside reality. The trick is to listen deeply and know if this hits a sensitive cord inside. Then discern whether this is minor issue or major stuff disguised as sth your ego system has set up for protection. And then act on it.
I am rather fond of the payment idea though as it inverts the deal and makes the other more conscious of what they’re saying. But then again, this does not protect you from good advice coming from the mouth of a stranger that you do not want to hear.
Interesting stuff all this hey?
And maybe, just maybe, in the beginning of a project it is sane to just carry on doing your thing without being too open to outside input unless your intuition or your inner gut lead you to.
Well, I like to think that good advice is good advice regardless who it comes from. So, I try not to rely too much of my own ego into when it comes to deciding if someone is worth listening to.
If they’re helping me pay my bills (customers), then I’ll listen!
Hahaha – I love this solution
As I’m currently 5 1/2 months pregnant, I think I’m going to implement it for all those people who keep coming up to me with unsolicited parenting device and labor/delivery horror stories!
I can only imagine the advice that gets hurled at you day in and day out when you’re about to be a new mother…
Oh man this is so good and the timing is impeccably. Similarly I just launched a project into private beta to glean some feedback from potential paying customers, and have gotten more than my fair share of just crappy advice.. I will be implementing a new pay to advise rule. Thanks Tyler
Good luck! It’s hard to know what advice to listen to when there’s no skin in the game.
I ran an unsuccessful Kickstarter for a charitable photo project… In the last two days of the campaign I had a half-dozen people (none of which have worked in fundraising, or photography, or have run their own Kickstarters) offered me “suggestions” on how to run a better campaign.
I wanted to say, “You know what would be super-helpful? Actually contributing to what I’m doing.”
Next time, I’ll send them a paypal link with your disclaimer: “All unsolicited advice accepted with a pre-payment of $29.00″
It’s a frustrating phenomenon… Thanks for this post! Made me laugh.
Who knows, Jeremy. Maybe some of those folks will actually take you up on it, too!
This post hits home for me. All too often when trying to grow my real estate business I get “advice”. One thing I notice is that in this field you are as smart as a brain surgeon or you need brain surgery. I try to listen to the Surgeons. I need to find my filter! Great post as always!
All the best,
Nate Vank
Good luck deciphering between the two, Nate!
Hey Tyler, I think your articles are brilliant!
Although this post immediately made me think of my crazy friend Melissa (who generally gives pretty solid/useful advice); the funny thing is that she becomes bloody furious if she has taken the time to listen/give advice & it isn’t applied…one time I had to flat out break it down for her that people don’t HAVE to listen to her advice, it seemed like that basic concept had never actually occurred to her before.
I can only imagine the level of she-hulk rage that would be thrown down if she’d actually paid someone $29 and they then proceeded to totally disregard her counsel…bwahaha awesome I’d probably also pay $29 to see that.
Anyways, yours is definitely the most refreshing idea under $30!
I think it comes down to whether advice is solicited or unsolicited. If you *ask* for advice, and don’t use the advice you get, it’s a bit of a “little boy who cried wolf” scenario.
But those who *give* advice should always realize that what’s freely given must also be freely received. Advice comes with no binding contract!
I love it! “$29 for unsolicited advice.”
That’s a bargain.
I have to admit that I’m often on the giving end of unsolicited advice. I also know that it is always, 100% always, a complete waste of time. Not only is it condescending to the receiver, the giver almost never has enough experience and background information to give meaningful advice. With that said, I still try every now and again.
It takes practice and wisdom to keep your mouth shut when your advice is not asked for. Something I’m still working on!
When’s the last time you had sex?
That’s what I asked a buddy the other day when he was giving me dating advice. This guy hasn’t been with someone in months due to his poor attitude, and yet he’s quick to give advice.
Long story short: I look at the experiences of the person giving me the advice. Expertise is all about results in my humble opinion.
Ha!
And yes, judging good advice means considering the experience and wisdom of the person giving it to you.
Right on dude!! That’s awesome. I love the whole concept. My advice? Keep on doing what you’re doing. As long as you’re happy, everyone else is just jealous. My $29 payment is in the mail. Thanks for not filling the internet with more filth.
–Derek
(I’m just kidding about the payment, for now)
If you ever send that $29, be sure to let me know. I have some great coffee to send you in return.
If I had done this I would have been rich a long time ago…but I think that’s not the point! And, I just want to say thanks for sharing another great idea, Tyler & co.
(My Twitter Name just got changed, so if you can’t find me right away, I apologize.)
I remember hearing a public speaker say that we must not let people “should” all over ourselves. It’s stuck with me.
Once, after a close friend closed on his new apartment rental, he showed me the place. It was wretched on many levels that he, a relative novice, did not notice. After the grand tour, he asked me, “Well, what did you think?”
“I’m a landlord, with five apartments. Since you asked, but only because you asked, I will tell you that I see many, many issues that you may not have noticed, and why I don’t think you’ll be as happy here as your last place. I will tell you every item if you like, and if you are ever looking for another place to live, I’d be happy to help you, if you feel comfortable with this.”
He nodded, and we talked about the issues from parking (had to make a six point turn to get into his driveway!) to the poor heating, to the fact that it was not terribly clean, to the smelly, dog-”treat”-infested yard.
One day at Applebee’s, at the bar, he hands me a flyer just after our plates were cleared. “I’m thinking of looking at this condo. Will you come with me if the owner has time tomorrow?”
He’s lived there, very happily, for several years now. It had everything he possibly needed, with a good pricetag.
I’m glad I never even thought to say, “you should have consulted with me!” or “you should take me with you next time!” I think that’s a way to get someone to dig into their inner stubborn core.
It is with me!
I’m loving exploring this site.
Warmly,
MariaUnfiltered
(but my coffee gets filtered)
A+
Hey Tyler.
Great post!
Don’t offer advice unless it’s asked for or you’re certain it will be well-received. Often our ‘helping’ is their annoying.
“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”
Craig
But… “29$ for unsolicited advice” makes it officially solicited if asking for 29$ dollars lol