I’ve taken a hard look at my life and the things in it lately.
Things that are here but I’m not sure why. Things that I know should be here, but aren’t. Specifically, things that are here and I don’t want anymore, yet they stay. Music equipment, clothes, half-finished projects, even relationships.
Few people can look closely at their lives without finding something they hold onto despite the burden it forces them to carry.
These are sunk costs, and you cling to them for a number of reasons. Some are obligations and responsibilities you keep because you think there’s no way out. Some are things you hold onto because you want them to be significant even though the more you try to embrace them, the harder it gets. And some are things that have just been around so long you can’t justify getting rid of them—you’re attached to what they used to be.
The greatest insult is that these sunk costs only become worse the longer you keep them. The more you justify your position, the worse it gets.
Which sunk costs are you actually responsible for, though? Conventional wisdom tells you it’s too risky to abandon them—that the idea of starting over is worse than the idea of carrying on.
But conventional wisdom, as they say, is heavy on convention and light on wisdom.
The only sunk cost you’re truly obligated to is your own life. In the face of life, all else is secondary. And anything that doesn’t affirm it can be negotiated.
Most sunk costs can be seen for what they really are—a happiness tax—when looked at from a slightly different perspective.
What’s worse:
- 20 years of burden, or 40?
- $100,000 lost or $1 million?
This is the real question behind every sunk cost. It’s easy to trick yourself into believing differently by telling yourself you can “tough it out” or that you can “fix it.”
The problem is that you can tough it out, and you can fix it.
But that’s not what you do with sunk costs. Why? Because you don’t really want to. So what really ends up happening is you justify leading yourself down a path of delusion. You go just far enough to make the immediate pain go away, and then you stop and hope it doesn’t come back. But you know it will.
In the end, what’s really more painful? Ripping the band-aid off, or slowly pulling out each hair? Where does the risk truly lie?
Take stock of your life. Do it now; you don’t have that long.
What have you accepted as certain, despite the burden? What do you cling to no matter how much you want to let go?
When you think about these things and ask yourself what is honestly best for yourself tomorrow and beyond, what answer do you come to?
When you assess the risks and rewards in honest terms, where do you land?
There’s no way to make the decision in front of you any easier, but at least now it’s simpler.
And once you’re honest with yourself, which road will you take?
Now over to you: How do you deal with sunk costs in your own life?
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Image by: Eric Constantineau
I’m so glad to see a post on this subject, Tyler. I learned a valuable lesson this year about this when I took stock of my life and realized how much stuff was holding me down.
So I cleaned it all out. If I wasn’t using something, I trashed it, or sold it, or gifted it. I had some nice things that I just wasn’t using, so why not let someone else make use of them? I had other things that were worn out or just garbage and needed to be removed.
At first, I felt a little uncomfortable getting rid of things, even things I hadn’t used in years, or were outdated based on who I am now. But when I sat with that discomfort, I realized that I was holding on to a memory of who I used to be, not who I am now.
An amazing thing happened! Our external environment is a reflection of our internal one, so it makes sense that once my surroundings were cleaned out, new stuff flowed in. People began calling me. I found new friends. I got new clients. I received inspiration about new hobbies I wanted to try. I had accepted that I’d made different choices in life, some of which hadn’t worked out, and I had released these things back into circulation. The energy returned to me in different (I’d say improved) ways.
The only constant in life is change so it makes no sense to hold on to smoke and mirrors. We have to ask ourselves every day, “Who am I today? Who am I TODAY?” and create based on the answers we get. We also have to forgive ourselves when we invest in something that doesn’t “pan out”. But if in having an adventure, taking a risk and learning about what doesn’t work, how can that be a failure, anyway?
So, speaking for myself, I’ve found it beneficial to look at life itself as a process of self-investment. You’re investing in yourself every day with the diet you eat, the people you surround yourself with, whether or not you’re pursuing your passions. Investment itself requires risk and it often yields unexpected results, but such experience is the doorway to wisdom and great self-understanding. I find now that I look at life as a matter of investment, it’s easier for me to choose where to go – I simply go where the perceived benefit is.
a splendid addition to Tyler’s post. Thanks!
You’re welcome
Yes, we pretty much live in a feedback loop where your internal environment influences the external one that you seek out, and then that external environment reinforces your internal one.
When it’s all how you like it, things are wonderful, but when it isn’t, it can be incredibly difficult to break out of.
Thank you, Tyler.
Once again (and it almost never fails) your thoughts pop up in my email the very day, the very moment they are needed.
Sunk costs are what burden me this day before my birthday. It’s not like I don’t know the things you write about, but something about someone else putting in in black and white makes me think about it a little more (and lets me know I’m not the only one- or crazy).
I’m not sure that my sunk costs are all that sunk because I’ve been around long enough to know that most things that happen are for a reason. And though they’re uncomfortable and sometimes TRULY SUCK, it usually results in something I wouldn’t change for the world.
That said, I haven’t been around long enough to know if what I’m up against is sunk costs, frivolity, investment, procrastination or that I’m just a big fat wimp.
The biggest problem is allowing others to gamble along with me. Even when they’re the reasons we stick around!
Thanks for reading, Alice. The whole reason AR exists is to say, “no, you’re not alone.” So I’m glad that it’s doing that for you.
And yes, that is the main problem with sunk costs—you don’t always recognize them as such. Sometimes it’s hard to tell what’s worth holding onto and what needs to be let go. But the longer you debate it, the more you probably realize that you’re fighting to justify it…
Besides all the stuff in our lives that weigh us down, so many people feel like the time and money they’ve spent on their career and education must dictate what they’re supposed to do for the rest of their lives. The rest of your life is a very long time.
I was an accounting major in college, invested all the time and effort to get and maintain my CPA license and, correspondingly, spent the last 23 years in corporate finance. After starting my blog I’ve discovered passions that really light my fire. I want those to be what my life is all about, not just a hobby.
It took a lot of thought but, this year I decided not to maintain my CPA license. It’s not what I’m about any more (although I’m still working in finance until my passions are paying the bills later this year). It took a while to release the past but, once I did, it feels great. Like Carolynn, I’ve had all kinds of new opportunities show up to support my new, passionate life. I used to wonder why my desires used to be blocked somehow. I think I’ve discovered the secret.
Paige, you make an excellent point. Many of us invest in an education and career and we feel that’s the sum of who we are, so doing something different may feel like a betrayal. But we’re not betraying ourselves – we’re actually making more room in which to create and grow! Congratulations on following your dream and helping others in this way. I like your blog.
Thanks Carolynn! And thanks for commenting!! May the doors continue to open for you!
And on the flip side, the rest of your life is not very long at all! Make a decision and move on!
Thanks for the straight-talk, Tyler! There is a serious dearth of that on the internet. I linked you on my blog. Hope that’s ok.
I appreciate the link, Rocky. Thanks so much for reading.
A timely post Tyler. Interesting points that Paige makes too. I remember very clearly the decision NOT to pursue further schooling as I approached the end of my BSc in Physiological Psychology. I had gotten it into my head that once I had a PhD I’d then be able to do what I really wanted to do. (design and build things, travel, ski, have adventures…)
I suddenly thought why wait? That was many years ago now but it did lead to an annual decluttering practice and quarterly reviews of where I desire to go and the progress I’m making in whatever direction I’ve chosen. Cheers Greg
Good for you, Greg. Most things, when looked at objectively, can be achieved with much less than we initially tell ourselves we need.
Damn. Why do you have to be so bloody inspirational??
Thanks.
Apologies.
Hi Tyler. I want to thank you for being willing to be hard hitting with your message, but also in a non selfish way. There are so many self-help groups out there putting out cutesy messages – just do this or that & life will be a bed of roses. They don’t tell you how to do the hard yards & they’re generally very self centred & about instant gratification.
You are willing to look at life in a realistic manner. I liked that you even included relationships, not just things, but in a way that’s not just ‘poor me. This person is being a jerk & why should I have to put up with it’. I can testify to the wisdom of your suggestions. For more than a decade I was friends with a woman who had a number of issues, mentally & with addictions & having been abused in her past. All I wanted was for her to have some joy in her life and to learn to experience beauty that no one else in her life had shown her. For a number of years I seemed to be fairly successful, even tho not as much as I would have like. The mental issues & addictions were still there but, I felt, not nearly as severely as they would have been otherwise so I continually forgave her stumbles to maintain the benefits she was getting from our continued friendship.
But a couple of years ago some things happened & she started going very rapidly in some very dangerous directions. She was rapidly reaching the point of no return & I told her my fears for her safety. She totally reacted against me: left abusive messages & made all sorts of ridiculous accusations against me. At first I stuck with her because she had no one else other than the people who were leading her down this dangerous path. Everyone else she had either cast off or they had turned away cos they found her too hard to handle. But there came a point when I realised that my continued contact with her was actually inflaming the situation rather than helping. I had to make the hard decision to break off contact, even tho it looked like abandonment, & that is how she has chosen to view it even tho I explained otherwise.
Since doing so I have experience a huge sense of freedom, even tho there is not a day goes by that I don’t grieve for what could have been but is not. And since then I have had the emotional energy to deal with several other areas of sunk costs that I wasn’t even aware I had and that I wouldn’t have been able to cope with before.
Every day I hope to receive a message from her to say that she is getting help & getting her life back on track, but I’m also getting on & living my own life in the sun in the meantime.
Hey Kathy. That was a tough story to read. I’m sorry to hear you had such a hard time with your friend, especially after all the effort you put in, but I’m glad that at least you were able to make the right decision for yourself and to hear that you’re much happier because of it. And it’s a good testament to anyone reading that making one hard decision makes making other ones simpler, as you demonstrated.
And I guess I avoid the “cutesy” stuff because that’s just not really part of my experience or philosophy. I love cutesy stuff for entertainment, but when I have a problem that I want to solve, I usually find those solutions coming up short for me.
I’m incredibly happy to know we have a community here that’s willing to work hard and take real, meaningful action to live how they know they want to.
[...] Life is the Only Real Sunk Cost Few people can look closely at their lives without finding something they hold onto despite the burden it forces them to carry. [...]
Another really great one Tyler. I’ve always thought the concept of “sunk costs” applies to much more than just economic investment, but also relationships, career, and the myriad of other aspects of life we “invest” ourselves in.
I also think it’s true that a lot of us invest in sunk costs – it’s a common type of loss aversion – often we are willing to give up a lot more to get back what we once had.
Wonderful article Tyler!!!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
This is exactly what i needed.
I always believe in simple principle of more you have, more you have to worry about. In life, less is more and more is less.
I actually have the opposite habit. I will toss up my hands very quickly, turning on my heel and walking away. I learned it because my parents never *ever* gave up on anything, even when it was patently pointless. I will easily drop jobs, relationships, habits, and possessions as soon as they become a burden.
I find that I move very freely through life, but I’m wary of waking up one day and finding myself rootless, unmoored. Still, it beats being stuck.