Life is nothing without big plans. We all harbor some hope or dream of what we’d like to do with our lives.
Some us are certain and some of us are still searching, but wherever you’re at, there’s a common problem we all face. We have a tendency to seek out and listen to good advice. Don’t worry, you didn’t read that wrong. I said good advice is a problem. It seems harmless, beneficial even, but there’s a very dark side to the good advice you receive and you might not even realize it.
When you’re trying to orchestrate a major change in your life, it can get a little scary. It’s a very natural reaction to look for advice from people you trust, but you need to be very careful about what you ask for, and even more careful of who you ask for it.
Even the best intentioned advice can totally derail your plans without you even realizing it.
My best advice about advice? Don’t ask for it.
The better your idea is, the more unique, interesting, and meaningful it is to you, the less anyone else can help you with it. The world is never ready for the best ideas. It never has been. The best ideas always take us by surprise. They’re created by artists that show us what we want and what we need before we ever knew we wanted or needed it.
This is what makes the best ideas difficult to understand before we can actually touch, taste, see, or hear them. What advice can someone give you if they can’t even conceive of your plan?
When it comes to your best ideas, good advice is really bad. So don’t ask for it.
Good advice is based on conventional wisdom. It takes into account what’s worked before and it considers your perceived ability to accomplish something. But the best ideas always break these rules. They’re implemented against the odds by completely unqualified people.
In fact, if you want to test your idea to find out if it’s really great or not, you can get a pretty good idea just by asking yourself these two questions:
Has it ever worked before?
Am I qualified to pull it off?
My rule of thumb is that answering no to both of those doesn’t guarantee anything, but answering yes is probably a good indicator it needs more work. That’s just my advice, though. Remember what I said about rules of thumb, conventional wisdom, and the like.
Time to Execute
When you have a great idea, the most important thing you can do is execute it. Testing is the only way you’ll ever know if it can work or not. The problem is that the good advice you get from your friends and family will counter this.
They care about you and don’t want to see you fail, so their good advice is to be cautious. Think it through. Make sure you really want to try this. Give it a little test, but don’t commit to anything.
This kind of good advice will sabotage the best of plans.
Ignore good advice at all costs.
When you’re looking for the best advice about your new, risky idea, it’s really important that you don’t put too much stock in the advice you get from others and start listening to yourself, instead.
You know yourself better than anyone else does. Why don’t you start asking yourself for advice?
Take out a pen and write down the questions and ideas you would bring up if you were to talk about your idea with a friend. Then answer them. Do it from your own perspective and give yourself the best advice you know about how to commit and execute successfully.
Keep in mind that you’re trying to work out the best way to do it, not whether you should do it at all. Dig deep into your intuition and listen to what your gut tells you.
Remember, your lizard brain will be hard at work trying to get you to slow down or even give up. That’s the foreground voice. Your intuition is behind that. You have to peel away the onion-like layers of doubt and uncertainty before you find it and can really hear what it’s saying.
Picture the best case scenario that could happen and give yourself advice on how to achieve that. Work backwards, step by step, from the ultimate goal until you have something you can do right now without having to wait for anything else to happen.
The worst case scenario almost never occurs and planning for it is like begging yourself to fail, so don’t spend much time dwelling on it.
This is the kind of advice you need and when it comes to your best ideas, you’re the only one that can give it to you.
Share Your Plan
It might sound like what I’m saying is to keep your plan a secret, but that’s not what I’m trying to get at at all. You’re the only one worth listening to when it comes to getting advice for your big plans, but the plans themselves should be shared freely.
It’s important to tell people, especially people you’re close to, what you’re doing. Just don’t ask them if you should do it or not.
Your friends and family can give you support along the way that you can’t get anywhere else and if your grand idea significantly affects their lives, then they have the right to know. They just don’t have the right to tell you not to do it. Maintaining that balance can be difficult, but it’s essential.
Don’t give others “Good Advice”
If you’ve read this far, you’ve probably noticed that a lot of this article sounds like advice about not asking for advice. Well, it is – and you didn’t even ask me for it.
That’s exactly why you shouldn’t listen to it. At least not without a critical ear. I say this because, even though you may grasp this concept very well, not everyone that comes to you for advice will.
It’s dangerous to ask others for advice about your best ideas, but it’s irresponsible to give it about theirs. Don’t let yourself be the one that’s giving out that ruinous “good advice.” When someone asks me if I think their idea will work, I try to be honest, but also make sure they know that I’m not the authority on their ability to be amazing.
As important as it is to put confidence in your own abilities, it’s just as vital that you help others put confidence in theirs – to teach them how to give and apply their own advice.
So please, if this advice isn’t right for you, forget I ever said anything. You know what’s best for you far better than I do, so don’t let me stand in your way!
Over to you: How do you deal with “good advice”?
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Image by: hellojenuine
Good advice, haha. Entrepreneurs should pay special attention to this; read the case study for FedEx, among many others. It’s always good to solicit others’ opinions and take them into account, but remember that you’re the one with the “vision,” which most people simply don’t have. Also, in my experience, when you first tell anyone about any idea relating to anything, often their initial reaction is to try to find reasons why it won’t work. Give them some time, and they begin to take a harder look at the reasons it will work.
FedEx, along with most other majorly successful businesses, is a great case study on creating a market that no one else could see.
Reminds me of one of Henry Ford’s popular quotes, “If I’d asked people what they wanted, they’d have said ‘a faster horse.’”
The “good advice” I’ve received from people over the years has always been the advice that has kept me stuck where I’m at. The people you are talking about, the ones who want to do incredible things, are dreamers, visionaries and people who continually challenge conventional wisdom. The people offering this good advice are too scared to go down that path and if you head down that path then it freaks them out because they realize they could be doing the same. I’ve found that as you do crazier and crazier things, many dream zappers and naysayers will emerge from the woodworks. This is great advice on how to deal with those people.
Doing something meaningful always makes people question their own path. Some realize it and support you and some are frightened by it and attack you instead.
Unfortunately, it’s hard to tell who’s going to do what.
This is a classic post. Tyler you’re absolutely right that you can’t ask for advice because many people have a limited vision of life. They maybe jealous of your talents and the possibility of succeeding with your endeavor.
Yep, Omar. Everyone’s “big plan” is unique to them so asking someone that couldn’t possibly understand if they should go after it is a recipe for disaster.
Of course, it’s always nice to have friends around for support and feedback, but really the decisions have to lie with YOU.
I love this. I’ve told a few close people to me about a plan I have to move to Hawaii for a couple of years (which is on my bucket list). All of them have looked at my like I am a crazy person and that it will never happen. It’s going to happen because I am making it happen. It is something I want to do because I want to have a simple job that pays my rent, what little utilities there will be, and gives me food to eat. When I am not working to fulfill those needs, I’m going to spend my time surfing and that is about it. The common reaction I get from people is, “Well, you make decent money now, so why don’t you just find something here that will be active for you like surfing would be.” Ok? But it wouldn’t be surfing and I wouldn’t be in Hawaii?? I only want to be there a couple of years just to experience it, so I will not be taking an advice from people anymore. I have my own plan
PS-The best thing about your articles are the titles. You read the title and think, “dude, what?” and after you read the article it totally makes sense. Love ‘em!
There’s an art and a science to good headline writing. I don’t know either of them, but I’m glad you’re enjoying!
That’s always a fun one, isn’t it? You tell someone your idea and they proceed to help you change it so that it doesn’t resemble what you want at all anymore but makes them feel safer.
Hey Tyler,
Conventional wisdom is a funny thing. If you do something against it others will think you will fail b/c you do not follow what had already been established…and you might fail.
BUT if/when you succeed, the process of your success, the idea that went against conventional wisdom in the first place now becomes conventional wisdom for others to follow.
Take advice from those who are where you want to be, but ignore the naysayers.
It’s a tough job being the trailblazer, David, but someone has to do it, right?
I try to learn from “experiences” rather than “advice.” Advice can result from a skewed memory of an experience, but I’ve found that by studying other people’s experiences & journeys, you can learn so, so much =)
Good point, Joel. Actions speak a lot louder than words, don’t they?
This was a great article! And it came at just the right time! I was just about to ask my boyfriend who is an attorney (he’s very conservative and is very careful with everything) if I should start my hot yoga instructional courses. Financially, it does put a strain on my budget but I really want to do it! I know he would’ve said no…wait til you have 20k saved lol….I’ve decided not to ask for his advice
Erin, there’s certainly no harm in having some backup cash, but it’s no requirement. Without it, you’ll just have to be that much more motivated to make it work.
Hi Tyler,
I think that you might find this interesting. A teacher once told me that the majority of people that share a plan with others satisfy part of the themselves and are much less likely to fulfill it. It’s not advice, merely something I heard once.
There’s something funny that happens when you read about something or talk about it with people. Even though reading and talking do not in any way equate to doing, it’s really common to feel like you’ve accomplished something after doing it. Beware!
Hello Tyler,
Great read! I found it useful and can definitely identify with it because I used to ask for advice (i.e. approval) from others before doing something and it caused nothing but stops!
This article reminds me of the Code of Honor by LRH #14: Be your own adviser, keep your own counsel and select your own decisions. #15 is Be true to your own goals.
And any successful person I’ve read about does what you’ve written about. Good job!
Michelle
When others feel compelled to share ‘good advice’, I don’t shut them down. I let them get it out of their system. Then I say, “Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind.” Or, “I hadn’t thought of that.” Or, “Hmm. It sounds like you’ve given this a lot of thought.” Or, “Oh, did that work for you?” Or, “It’s always good to hear that someone has my best interests at heart.”
Basically, I’ll say anything except, “I’ll do that.” I remain non-committal. I am willing to let them feel like they have something valuable to share. However, when I’m faced with someone who won’t change the subject or who insists that I agree with them, I will say something like, “Thank you for your vote of confidence in me. I’ll let you know how the whole thing turns out.” If, by that response, they assume that I intend to follow their ‘good advice’, it is no skin off my nose.
My latest piece of ‘good advice’, which actually turned out to be good advice, came from a fortune cookie that I got two nights ago. It said, “Take the chance you have been considering.” It actually sparked my imagination in relation to a project that I had put in a holding pattern until I was able to infuse it with creativity. Today I gave it an active flight plan.
My point is, I agree with you. Playing it safe is unlikely to result in the kind of payoff that unconventional thinking can produce. Taking a chance is much riskier and much more fulfilling.
Tyler, your posts are often just what I need to hear. AND this one is the dead ringer. I am on the brink of some big things and have been muddling through the nay-sayers and good advice for awhile. This is JUST what I needed to keep my chin up and go full speed ahead!
‘Good advice’ is why I generally keep my ideas and plans to myself.
I know a lot of people advise that one should tell at least someone of their plans to help keep accountable, but I’ve found I get annoyed when folks I’ve told start asking me continually what I’m doing and how it’s going. So I don’t tell anyone until I’m about to blow the lid off my plan and unleash it on the world.
It’s not that I get annoyed at them asking, it’s that I tend to be the type of person who does the opposite of what everyone tells me.
Keeping stuff to myself allows me to do what I need to do without getting sidetracked by those folks.
I completely agree. I’ve learned to keep my plans to myself and will tell friends and the world (except for business advisors and associates) what I’m doing only after everything is up and running successfully. Friends, relatives and acquaintances are usually discouraging, or I end up spending my time and energy explaining and justifying to random people.
YES! Starting something that no one has done before, in my case, was very difficult to explain to others, let alone for them to fully understand. So how could they possibly advise? I asked for opinions when I doubted myself. A light bulb finally went off over my head and I realized, ‘I am pioneering this, therefore I AM the authority and have no reason to doubt myself’. It was so liberating. All the wishy-washy left my system and I was able to concentrate on what to do next rather than second guessing what I had just done. Great article!
I want to resist saying how great this is, but I can’t. Seriously amazing advice. If I could only plaster this post all over the place. This reminds me of the quote, “Every person takes the limits of his or her own field of vision for the limits of the world.” Other people’s advice is based solely on their perception. Who are they to tell you what is possible in your world? Often following through with your dreams can open up their eyes to their own possibilities. So really, we just need to gift the world with our gifts. Love this, Tyler!
Hey tyler, good article. In addition to avoiding asking people for advice regarding one’s plans, I also find it incredibly motivating and exciting to be going about doing something completely on my own, without the input of a “seasoned expert”. There is something very exhilarating about charting your own path, and not knowing if it is the right step, but giving it your best shot nonetheless.
great article as always!
Manu
This is a fantastic article, and came at a great time. I’m just about to make a huge jump (quit my job, start on my own business), and I know I’m going to get a lot of flak for it. In the past, the flak has prevented me from going forward with things, because I do value peoples’ opinions. But they are opinions based on the safe route because they don’t want to see me get hurt. You’ve made the incredibly obvious point that I don’t need to convince them what I’m doing is a “good” idea, because in terms of the safest option it’s not a “good” idea.
Also, awesome e-book on the FYF. Fortunately I’ve already reached that stage and am ready for the jump. I’m jumping out early on an apartment lease for a 1-month penalty, moving into a basement, and letting the good times fly!
Thanks Tyler! People get so excited about their ideas and it’s too easy to fall into the trap of sharing and wanting someone to validate those ideas to continue the excitement. Thanks for the suggestion of sitting down and writing the questions out that you would typically ask someone else – but answer them yourself. Perfect!
[...] from my family, but I definitely still run into situations where they give me all kinds of “cautious advice” about slowing down and taking it easy. You know, regular family stuff. They do it because [...]
I graduated high school in June and sat down with my mom and my older brother shortly there after to tell them about the research I’d been doing on traveling to Australia and doing one of the many fruit picking jobs they have all over the place. I wanted to do that to make some money and then when I’d saved some cash, to travel onward. I was also considering a volunteer program in Ghana where I could work on a farm with a family (something like WOOF). To quote my brother, “You’re so unpragmatic. How are you going to afford this?” My mother sat quietly because she knew I was born to fly.
I am now a college student who lives at home. Very far from what I was originally scheming. I don’t feel like I have settled, I just figured now is the best time to go to school because of all the scholarships I have and I can just get it out of the way. I still plan on traveling extensively when I graduate, but I also still wonder how I would be today were I in Australia or Africa.
“It’s important to tell people, especially people you’re close to, what you’re doing. Just don’t ask them if you should do it or not.”
It’s interesting you mentioned this… I just, just, just started a blog idea I’ve been sitting on for a very long time. It veers in a big way from my occupation in the real world — the job everyone knows about and really supports.
I’ve been telling myself not to tell those same friends and family members about the blog experiment unless it gains traction on its own in the blogosphere, independently.
On the one hand, I don’t want anything they might say or think to stop me. On the other hand, by not telling any of them, I’m cutting myself off from leveraging my own network. Besides just simply being unnecessarily secretive. Some people might love that I’m doing this. Who knows.
It’s the flipside of what you mentioned earlier: People who care about me want me to do well and don’t want to see me fail, so may advise me to be cautious… Instead, what I’m doing is anticipating that advice, not asking for it, and then not asking for support, either, because as long as my blog is new and tiny, I’ll look like I’m failing. And I don’t want them to think that.
I need to write plennnty more posts, and focus on making those posts count, so I’ll be committing to that for a while before worrying too much about “results.” But it is amazing, what we do to guard ourselves from the risk in risk-taking. Like skydiving alone.
Brilliant post, Tyler.
I’ve had my share of ideas lighting up my brain-bulb, bt never found the courage to carry them forward. I might just re-consider now. Thanx mate.
This post holds up well to repeated readings and I always find it energizing. Thanks for sharing these ideas and the others on your site.