I have a great life. For the most part, I do what I want when I want to do it.
I don’t have a family and my girlfriend, Jessie, and I are fairly independent. Most of the time, I’m the only one I have to think about when I make decisions about my work and my life.
This makes it difficult to answer questions when someone writes in about a problem that involves their family. I’m always vague when it comes to giving advice—I usually ask more questions than give answers—and I don’t like feeling responsible for other people’s decisions; that’s the opposite of freedom as I understand it.
So, when Gabe—an Army Officer with a wife and kids—wrote to me asking for advice on what to do about his career, I didn’t have a great answer for him.
Update: As a few commenters pointed out below, Gabe actually does not have kids. I’m pretty embarrassed to admit I misread his email and never noticed my mistake. That ought to teach me to read a little bit slower!
I want to enlist your help today. Here’s the email Gabe sent me:
Tyler,
I’m a 26-year-old U.S. Army Officer. By most standards, I’m highly successful. Happily married, no kids, making over $60K per year. The catch is, I’m absolutely miserable. I dread every single day I go to work. I’m a bureaucrat wearing camo. I edit PowerPoint slides and sit in endless mind-numbing meetings. I get treated poorly by my superiors, and work over 12 hours a day. I have no life outside my work, and I hate my work.
I have determined, and my wife agrees, that this is no way to live. This October, my commitment is up and I can depart the military. I haven’t had the courage to commit to leaving yet. I feel like I’m suffering Stockholm’s Syndrome. I make good money and am familiar with what I need to do to be successful in the Army. Venturing out into the civilian world is scary. I’m afraid I won’t find work at all, much less work which is fulfilling.
I picked up StrengthsFinder 2.0 (not an affiliate link) in the bookstore recently and the test told me I need to work in a field where I’m valued and paid for my ideas (i.e. journalism, design, entrepreneurship, etc). Before I joined the Army, I adored journalism and writing in college. I did an internship at the Alumni Magazine, and wrote front-page stories for the university newspaper. The catch is, I know I can’t go from Army Officer to supporting my family exclusively on freelance writing. It takes some time to build a portfolio.
When I’ve looked at full-time writing jobs in the area, they require experience or a degree in the field, but I majored in international relations. My father jumped from job to job when I was growing up, never establishing a steady stream of income. We survived, but the stress of his frequent unemployment almost ripped the family apart. I dont want to put my family through that, which is why I think I’m so hesitant to leave the security of the military.
Perhaps you could give me some advice, specifically from your perspective as a writer yourself. How can I bridge the gap? Is there middle ground between starving writer and high-flying feature writer for Time Magazine?
Sincerely,
Gabe
And here’s the email I sent back to Gabe:
Hi Gabe,
Thanks for writing, and thanks for reading, too; I really appreciate it.
While I can’t relate to your situation because I don’t have kids and I’m not faced with a long-term commitment to the army, I can certainly understand the predicament. Essentially, it seems like you have a strong commitment to giving your kids a stable home life, and that’s commendable. The problem is your current solution for the stable home life is quietly strangling you.
From your email, it seems like you’re framing this scenario with only two possible options: venture out into the private sector where you don’t think you’ll be able to find a job doing what you want, or stay with the army where you hate your work.
Neither of those options sound wonderful, but there are probably a lot of other ones that exist in between there that could be more viable.
To answer your question specifically: Yes, there’s definitely a middle ground between starving writer and high-flying feature writer. I, and many people I know, exist in that space. You’re right that you probably can’t go directly from a job into freelance writing and expect to pay all the bills, but there are many ways to at least get started.
Most of the people I know who are like me don’t actually make their money from writing. The writing helps them deliver a message, but the actual business is built on a product or service that compliments it. Does that make sense?
I know it’s tough working 12-hour days and trying to build something outside of that, and I can only imagine how much more work it is to do that with two kids, but there are ways to make the transition that don’t involve cutting off one thing to start another and leaving your kids in the lurch.
I’d suggest looking at the type of writing you want to do, and then see what kind of potential products you could sell and/or services you could offer people that compliment that. There are lots of options, it’s just a matter of picking a couple of them and testing with the free time that you do have.
And maybe you can’t get a high-paying journalism job right now, but you probably have a whole host of other skills that would benefit a private sector job that might give you more leeway to work on the writing business.
Keep in mind this just my opinion, and it’s not necessarily worth that much. In the end, you have to decide what’s best for you and your family. I would only caution that a terribly unhappy father might not be the best one.
Good luck with whatever you decide Gabe, and thanks for your service.
Tyler
We all want more freedom in our lives. We all want to do work that makes us happy. We also want that work to provide for us and, if we have them, our families.
Right now, Gabe feels like his options are limited. But I don’t think they have to be—there’s almost always a “third option.”
What I’d like to hear from you today is this:
What could Gabe’s third option be? What isn’t being considered that might be worth exploring? And how can Gabe get started on something new without sacrificing his family’s welfare?
Let us know (Gabe is reading) in the comments below.
—
Image by: Julia Manserova
Hi Gabe,
It seems that the ideas you have are what you are valueing. The experience and transferable skills you have, even though the army for you is rotten as a full-time job, are highly valuable. Is there anywhere in the Army you could start to write for to build a portfolio of your ideas and experiences? If they are willing for you to write for them, are they willing to fund a course? Building toward an exit plan is often the way to go. I have two small kids and their happiness is number one for me. That includes Dad being happy however. So an exit plan with your current employer helping to pay and upskill is what I recommend. I am two years into mine and it’s going great, although I’m not out yet. Just having the target and the plan makes most of the C*** tolerable.
hope this helps.
Tim
They don’t have to know about your plan though!
If it’s just your job that you don’t like but don’t mind working for the Army then why not consider another position or move to another department?
When I first started working full-time, I was with the same company for 10 years and worked in 4 different departments (accounting, operations, merchandising & real estate/construction.) I also continued to look for work outside the company during my time there to “explore my options”. Each time I shifted positions, I increased my salary by several thousands instead of sticking with the same job and waiting for a measely 2% increase every year.
Utilize the connections that you have within the Army and let them know if they can help you post-October. Someone always knows someone who knows someone that knows someone that can help you out.
Gather your accolades.
Outside of the Army, tell your family and friends to spread the word.
Approach your local newspaper or other local media outlets. They may not pay as much but perhaps you’ll find the peace of mind and the well being of your mental health and the burden on your family & social life will decrease.
Hey Gabe,
I can understand exactly where you’re coming from. While I’m not in the army, I am working in a career that doesn’t exactly peak my interest anymore. I have a wife and my first kid on the way. I’ve been working in IT support for about 8 years now. I’m a technology aficionado but I’m no longer in love with my role and have other things I want to pursue. Things that I’m passionately curious about doing which is writing and helping others.
I think Tyler is right in that yes you are limiting yourself by looking at those being the only 2 options. I think that if writing and journalism is really what you’re passionate about you just have to start. It’s 2012 and there’s no gatekeepers keeping you from being a writer or a published author for that matter. Additionally you have valuable skills that the army has taught you which I do believe can be transferable to other areas of life. Discipline, survival, patience, team-work. These are all things that people are lacking, even in corporate environments where team-work is necessary. There’s got to be away for you to help others in living more well rounded lives while helping yourself at the same time.
I think you need to find a way to try and cut back the hours you spend at work so you can start creating a new path for yourself. As much as you hate it, I wouldn’t quit your day job just yet because it’s not going to be an easy transition but I believe it is a POSSIBLE one. And in the process you may just learn things about yourself that others will also need. And then if there are others in the military in the same boat as you (which I bet they are) you can teach them to do the same.
Good luck man,
Greg
Gabe:
While I’m 15 years older and a divorced single dad, I understand your predicament. “Stuck” in a job that leaves you feeling dead inside and frustrated, but worried about how to change that and protect/provide for your family doing something you love. I hate to be the devil’s advocate, but it boils down to budgeting, priorities and timing. A thought is to transition slowly. Leave the Army, because if you don’t, you’ll be 41 before you know it and your window will be closing rapidly if not closed. You’re young enough to be able to find something that may allow you to express your creative side, while burnishing your resume to eventually find what you do want to do at a salary that fits your “needs.” There have to be some volunteer writing opportunities – whether it’s donating some time to writing for a non-profit, or offering your services at a reduced cost as a side job – that will allow you build the experience you need. And be advised that sometimes employers aren’t hard and fast on an “education” requirement if you have the skill set they’re looking for (unless the job requires a certain degree – MD, JD, etc.. – to engage in the profession.)
So, find a “creative” job in the private sector (perhaps PR work, advertising, etc..) and volunteer your time writing to be able to show a prospective employer what you have. At 26, your options are more open than you think and you have at least 40 more good years to build from there.
I agree! Get out now–you’re 26 years old and have a lifetime ahead of you–the longer you stay in a job you don’t like, the more intimidating leaving will become.
Take an online Tech. Writing course- (check one at at FVTC.edu) and begin living your passion. Find that job you love so you never have to go to work again!
Hi Gabe –
Have you thought about a career in technical writing or business writing? I am a creative writer making a living writing contracts for the government, and I’ve also been a technical writer, quality assurance analyst, and instructional design writer in the private sector.
This type of writing definitely pays the bills, with the added bonus of letting you work with language every day. It teaches you to be clear and precise, not to waste words, and to be highly efficient.
In my off time, I can work on my creative pursuits with my head already seasoned, if that makes sense.
I also want to add that I don’t have a degree, I found my niche early on and just went with it. I am actually currently in college getting a Business – IT Management degree, but writing will always be part of what I do for a living.
Hope this helps and best of luck!
-Seph
I’m confused. In Gabe’s letter he says he has no kids, but you say he has two. It makes a big difference whether he has kids or not, because if he is 26 with a wife about the same age and no kids, I’d say leave the Army. He is miserable and he has his wife’s support, so that is kind of a no-brainer. I’m assuming she is capable of working too and between the two of them, they should be fine. A career in writing is not going to ever pay as much as the Army did.
So he has to decide how important money is to him and his wife. That answer is different for everyone. Would you rather have fewer things and spend your time doing what you love or are you willing to give up your time doing something you hate in order to have things you enjoy? That is really what it boils down to.
Laurie,
I don’t know *how* I mixed up Gabe’s situation so badly, but it looks like I did. Gabe does *not* have kids.
I’ve updated the article to reflect that. How embarrassing!
Hello! First off, I really confused…Gabe says that’s he’s 26 years old, happily married, no kids, but all of the responders here are answering as if he does have kids. It’s makes a HUGE difference in his options!
So, if October is the goal to be “free”, you certainly have time to do things to get yourself set up to succeed outside of a “job”. I would start by downsizing, simplifying and reducing your debt. I don’t know if your wife works or has a business, but if not perhaps it would be a good time for her to get something, even part-time. Save her income. Try to build up a fund to live off of until you get fully established in your new venture (usually 3 – 6 months worth).
Start writing. Find an area that you love and start contributing on blogs, offer to guest post, etc. Start a blog and write the type of articles you would want to make money writing. Look into freelancing opportunities, ask everyone you know if they need any writing done. Write a resume that plays up your writing skills (regardless of when it was done). If/When you apply to jobs, include examples of your writing on the resume.
Working 12-hour days makes your extra time limited, but you work those hours doing something you hate, why not focus 2 or 3 hours a day to something you love and to your future freedom. You can do it! In 7 months you can build a freelance career that will allow you to walk away from the Army.
The alternative may be looking back when you are in your mid-40′s with kids, a mortgage, etc. and realizing that you should had taken the chance when the risk was so much smaller.
Good Luck!
Colleen
You’re right, that does make quite a difference, and I goofed! Gabe does *not* have children.
I’ve updated the article accordingly. Hopefully no one else will be left scratching their heads on this one.
Sorry about that—so embarrassing!
So this changes everything No Kids!!!! Then the doors are wide open, especially if your wife working or capable of working. You can now take a bigger risk.
I think you need to do a combination of what Colleen and Persephone Raynes said. You just need to START DOING THE WORK and putting yourself out there.
Also there is merit to what GB advised. Start writing and building up a portfolio for yourself. This will get you going and lead to other opportunities.
If he has no kids, maybe he should get out while he still can. Once one pops he could be further settled in to a job he hates. But like you said, it’s a personal decision. Perhaps he could live as frugally as possible, have his wife work and save up money for a year?
Or maybe take advantage of that GI bill and get more schooling, maybe even night classes while working.
Can he cut down the hours somehow at the job he has? Transfer to a more flexible position?
I work with a guy who raised a family, worked a part-time job at UPS and got benefits, did airforce reserves on some weekends and went to art college. So yeah, it can be done.
There’s my two cents.
Gabe
My advice to you is get into teaching – middle/high school. You sound like a person who’s looking for meaningful connections with people. Teaching is very rewarding and it’s wonderful to think you’ll be positively influencing the next generation. Not sure if you’re big on sports but teaching Physical Education can be awesome!
Think people centric professions and best of luck!
Gabe,
This is a no-brainer. Get out of the Army. Now. The fact that you don’t have kids is a HUGE advantage. As someone in a similar situation job-wise (I’m 12 years older than you), the only thing stopping me from making the jump is the fact that I have 3 kids. If it were just me and my wife, I’d downsize (sell my house and just about everything in it), pay off any debt, get my expenses as low as possible and go find something that I love doing.
You don’t have that challenge… take advantage of it. There are plenty of ways to earn income. Find one you like and go do it!
James
I agree—get a “mindless” job where you can earn some cash to live frugally on, but don’t have to sell you soul and half of every day to. Get some training, be creative and network, network, network until you find a way to live out your passion. We each have 24 hours a day and using 12 of them each day doing something you don’t like is a horrible waste of a life. You can do this.
I agree with most commenters — the only way to start is by doing it.
I majored in sociology, and after I graduated I decided I wanted to be a full-time writer. So I freelanced for the local newspaper for a few months until they offered me an unpaid internship.
I worked unpaid for 3 months before they switched me to a “paid” internship. I did that for another 6 months until they gave me a full-time job.
I worked full-time as a newspaper reporter, getting promoted to editor, for 2 years, before I quit to be an independent writer. The training I received there was invaluable.
Picking a “brand” or an expertise as a writer was also invaluable. Once I narrowed my niche to “I write about how to manage money,” I got a lot more work.
Read books like “My So-Called Freelance Life” to help you get started, and if you’re interested in writing, join associations like the Society of Professional Journalists or the (Name-Your-Niche) Writer’s Association. They have one for everything. There’s a Travel Writer’s Association, a Sport’s Writer’s Association, even a Cat Writer’s Association.
Gabe,
Please do not take my advice because I’m a whack job!
(there I’m absolved,… learned that from Tyler)
Go right now this minute,… let the toast burn,… do not pass go,… do not allow fear any foot hold. Your standing at the edge of the diving board and the line behind you is growing!!! JUMP! Call who ever you have to call and make the commitment to yourself and your gal that you are going to follow your passion! IT OBVIOUSLY ISNT THE ARMY!!!
Do you seriously think that you can’t do what so many others have done before you? You don’t have to figure it ALL out before you show yourself that you are trusted by you!
So pull the pin!!! And you’ll have plenty of time to figure out where to throw the Gabe Grenade. But,…LOL you’ll have little time to waste! DO IT MAN,… JUST DO IT!!!!
Realize that you are the Crowning Achievement of a Loving God! Look around. See what is possible. The only difference between them and you is that they pulled the pin. Just don’t forget to MOVE IT SOLDIER!!!! That thing is going to go off!!! From this day forward any time I see a grenade land in close proximity to me I’m going to YELL,…GABE!!!
Besides the worst thing that could happen is not nearly as bad as the abusive crap you’ve been taking in the military!
I believe in you!
–Jordan Hale
The Gabe Grenade! Pure awesome.
I agree with the suggestions posted by other readers. There is not one or the other, with nothing in between! A gradual strategy could be the best option.
Besides, I don´t know if I am reading wrong, but in Gabe´s original email I read he is happily married “WITH NO KIDS”. If true, this makes the problem, at least right now, more manageable. Also, I think that if his wife is not a mother yet, it should be easier for her at this point to help provide to the house income as well. Probably they both can figure out a plan to cover the family expenses jointly, assuming Gabe´s take home pay from his new endeavors as a writer is not enough at the beginning. They are two, and they are very young still. A couple of years with two incomes could even help them build a buffer to allow Gabe grow as a writer, as he gains experience and gets better pay as a result of his true passion, even if after that time they decide to start having their kids
Oh, I left the page open for a while and then wrote my comment without checking new postings… Meanwhile, other readers noticed the fact that Gabe has NO kids, and the clarification came from Tayler… So, my comment got obsolete, sorry!
Hey Gabe,
I feel you man – I think we have all been there.
When I was 26, I found myself married and working in a job I did not enjoy. My wife and I saved up $1,500 dollars, found an online teaching gig in China, and went abroad for a year. It was great!
10 years later I find myself with 2 kids, overworked, and not living the life I want. So my family and I started working hard, paying off debt, and later this year we will quit our jobs and start traveling the world – showing our kids everything along the way.
It is a very hard thing to grasp Gabe, but you don’t have to limit yourself. You say, “I’m afraid I won’t find work at all, much less work which is fulfilling.” It sounds like you have many skills, but you just have to give yourself a chance to find out how to use them. My guess is that it is tough to see through the thick forest of stress and discomfort that is your current life. Seperate yourself from this and you will start to see clearly.
You know, the best rock stars, writers, artists don’t spend their days worrying about paychecks and retirement plans – they just create. Of course, in life you must plan as well, but you have to take a risk and just “do” sometimes. It will happen when you stop drawing up blueprints and you start building a house.
Best wishes to you. You’ll get there.
Gabe,
I know a couple of folks who specialize in military transition career hunting. I can connect you if you want.
More importantly, is you are in a perfect position to join an international MBA or International Relations program or Journalism program. You can write and get experience. Programs like these want to see ex-officers like you join and I’m sure there are ways to fund it.
Through these programs you can also connect to writing roles or other jobs that could provide stability and keep you going. Ask around, you might find a way to connect to something even better.
My first effort would be to find another job within the army that will utilize your skills and be more interesting and fulfilling to you. You have from now to October to do that, and experiment with writing in your free time (maybe set up a blog?) Failing that, I would quit and get a job in the private sector. I am sure you can do more than you think you can – you should be able to get another job, and you are young enough to take risks, especially with the support of your wife.
I would try to find work within the service that utilizes some of the skills you want to develop and/or is more of a fit for the “way” you want to live your day.
Don’t go against type. Everyone has their own style and you don’t want to be one of the men living a life of quiet desperation. Totally unnecessary.
It seems like you do have a sense of what turns your mind and spirit on – what will make the hours fly by. So, look for a fit there, and make sure you interview people currently in that job so you don’t misread the situation.
While there may be many way to be a writer, such as a technical writer, you don’t HAVE to earn your income that way. There are a myriad of ways to shine your light into the world and not all of them are income producing. If you follow your heart, it will bring you joy, which will also impact the day job.
I didn;t look into Strengthsfinder but if you haven’t done it already, take the Myers Briggs and the Strong Inventory etc to open your mind up to the possibilities.
I may be wrong but I get the impression that the people who said Gabe should change positions within the military haven’t worked in the military, or not for very long. From things I gleaned from my brother-in-law who was in the RAF in Britain, things don’t seem to work as free and easy as they do in civvies for changing positions. The impression I got was that you either went thru a linear promotion scale or had to be recommended for a lateral shift. If I’m correct, given that Gabe is already being badly treated by his superiors, the option of changing within the military may not be open to him. I would suggest he be patient a little while. October is only 8 months away. And while he may still have to put up with the awful job, that doesn’t mean it has to be wasted time. He may need that full 8 months to do all the planning, organizing & networking he needs to do to hit the ground running when November rolls around. I would say he should accept Josh’s invitation to talk to these people about transitioning. Once they know his skill base, temperament & vision, they can recommend job types & courses of action. That would give him direction to his planning & then he could get back in touch with them later in the year, say late Summer, to make sure he is still on track & hasn’t forgotten or overlooked anything that needs doing.
I also think Gabe needs to realise he is not his Father. I suspect his Father struggled because he was a drifter who never really figured out what he wanted to achieve with his life. It’s important to get together with people who can help you bring together the disparate fragments of your desires & dreams, like seeing the picture in a jigsaw puzzle come together. You don’t have to be like your dad, Gabe. I think you have more drive & determination. Trust people to help that come to fruition. Taking a calculated risk doesn’t have to result in a life of dissipation.
I can’t offer a solution as such, but I can tell you that a few years back my wife got really sick (she’s ok now) . I got a phone call from her doctor while I was at work and I had to rush off to look after her – and I didn’t step foot back in the office for two years.
On top of the stress of her illness and looking after the kids – there was also the worry of how would I get money? Would I get fired for not showing up? Will we lose the house if I can’t pay rent? etc etc…but the world didn’t end. We got by..and it was nowhere near as bad as it was in my head.
My advice would be that life is too short and precious to spend it miserable – take the leap, think on your feet and take a lot of action towards getting writing work. Apply for everything you can find – and/or look for a “day job” that won’t stress you so much to keep you going financially. I’ve often found that change is enough to energise me again.
I’m too in a similar situation, but I actually do have two young kids (2 and 1 month). Responding to this post will probably be a good exercise for myself, giving me a chance to reflect on my own roadblocks. I don’t think it’s quite fair to give Gabe such opinionated advice on whether to quite his job or not. We simply would have to know more about his priorities in life. And sometimes that’s the biggest factor in our own inability to move, we’re not quite clear what our values in life are. I believe Gabe should start by defining his priorities and values in life. For example, I strongly value the ability to spend a majority of my time with my family for the short 18 years I have my kids around. This then starts to paint a picture of being self employed from home, working minimal hours, homeschooling, etc. Gabe wants to be a freelance writer, and that very well may be a path for achieving what he values in life, but first he needs to clearly define those values. And this, of course, needs to be an exercise that absolutely includes his wife.
I doubt Gabe suffers from stockholm’s syndrome. That would imply he has some sense of duty and emotional connection with his employer. My guess would be that Gabe simply fears the unknown too much. I fully admit that is what is paralyzing me. To help overcome this, he could sit down with his wife (maybe even go on a mini retreat) and list out all of the fears of what could happen, worst case, if he were to quit his job tomorrow. Are his fears related to debt, a mortgage, unable to make bills, decline in lifestyle, feeling ashamed in front of family or friends, etc. Next, he could list out what assumptions he is making that would result in those worst case fears; zero income for x months, will not be able to find another job in a pinch, spouse in not willing to simplify lifestyle, etc. Last, he could validate his assumptions and if they are valid think of ways to mitigate them; pay of debt, sell stuff to create a few months cushion, sale the home, create a list with spouse of what they’re willing to simplify, apply for a completely unrelated job (just temporarily of course), etc.
Adam Baker from manvsdebt.com is an excellent example of someone who built up the courage to have that “uncomfortable talk” with his wife and it changed their lives. They sold everything they had and with their one year old went to live in Australia and travel. Check out his TEDx speech, http://manvsdebt.com/adam-baker-tedx-talk/, for some good inspiration, especially if you have a family.
Even though some days feel absolutely unbearable to me, I’ve chosen to stick it out at my a job a little longer, BUT I have a plan. I’m finishing my emergency fund, starting up a few side income things, I’ve changed my duties at work to align with my passions better, and I’m using the company (as suggested in the comments above) to built up skill sets I think I can use once self employment becomes a reality.
There’s no easy answer to this question, and there’s no easy way to move through the process. I’m just now beginning to fully understand, and this will be my last word of advice, that the most paralyzing thing is trying to go through it alone. So Gabe should begin to surround himself with people that can encourage and council him along the way. Therefore, Gabe is on the right track based on the fact that he solicited advice from Tyler.
Gabe, I will see you on the other side my friend : ) I volunteer Tyler to be waiting there with the cigars.
Cigars all around!
I would plan to leave as soon as you can. Cut expenses and figure out how to survive on the minimal. Save as much as you can, hopefully you can save up a year of living cost before you leave.
That will give you time to look for a new job.
Read my Go It Alone post.
http://retireby40.org/2012/02/go-it-alone/
Gabe,
Hang in there. It may not be easy to do in the military, but a moment of solitude/retreat I would find helpful to achieve peace with whatever decision toward change you make.
I really appreciate the comments of RFC above and the link he included, especially agreeing with sentiment that fear of unknown is likely the greatest detriment. There are unlimited possibilities. Separating out the realities, the fears, and the possible outcomes are all logical things to analyze, but then listening to gut intuition will give you the final answer of what steps you need to take toward change.
Being responsible for others (a wife in your case), especially a child (in my case), is a HUGE element to weigh when making change. I have arrived at peace about my situation with a long view toward making changes and doing them as I can, patting myself on the back all the way instead of feeling defeated because I’ve stayed with something so long that was not 100% my dream. Or even 50%. I am working toward that day with more freedom bit by bit, and I have faith it will arrive.
Good luck to you!
I read a number of books on jobs and careers for creative people (like the “Career Guide for Creative and Unconventional People”) that were a big help and that you may want to check out, that go into quite a bit of depth in figuring out a path forward. Some self-reflection and hearing different stories and options may be important as simply jumping to the “private sector” may or may not land you in a creative or fulfilling job (Dilbert, after all, is a private sector worker in the “creative” IT industry!).
I guess part of my question is, are you set on (freelance) writing and know this is what you want to do? The life of a freelance writer, or many creative professions for that matter, may not be as well-paying as your 12-hr-a-day Army job, but especially if your wife is able to work and you keep away from debt, you can have a good life, I would think.
There are other paths – teaching was suggested – I wouldn’t want to teach high school, but one example you might think about is teaching community college – again if you’re frugal then you don’t have to choose to teach in the summer, and you can write, travel, garden, whatever. Even 4-yr colleges have demand for writing teachers. That is, if you have a desire and aptitude to teach! Friends I know work at community college and take 12-week vacations each and every year. It does require a Master’s degree – if going to school is something you’re considering (I myself would go to a Master’s only once I knew what I wanted to study … but going to school can be a good reason to move on, even move to a new place, whatever it is you and your wife want to do). I think there are many options out there, although I have yet to find one that really combines some level of security with the freedom to do what I want.
Dear Gabe:
Is it difficult to switch your MOS? I would suggest speaking to an Education Officer and switching to a journalist assignment (the officer equivalent). I suspect taking that route will require training in a new MOS. But, it won’t alter your world in such a dramatic manner.
The military is probably eager to keep you. So, I am hopeful that they’ll want to keep you have and with an officers’ commission.
The military is probably eager to keep you. So, I am hopeful that they’ll want to keep you with an officers’ commission.
Gabe,
As a former Navy man I can truly say I know where you are at. While I was enlisted and not commissioned, I think I get what it is like to have a position that you can’t stand.
Like Tyler said, most bloggers don’t actually make their living from their writing. The writing helps them to connect with their “tribe”. Once they have made a solid connection, then they can offer a product or service to help them somehow.
As you are an officer, I would expect that you have a degree. You may in fact be in an advantageous position. There are a huge number of active duty personnel that are rotating out of the service. Could you build a program that helps them transition back to civilian life?
That is just one possible option of many I’m sure you could be capable of creating. My suggestion to you would be to write down every possible skill, experience, talent and advantage that you have gained with your military training. Then imagine that someone with that list came to you asking for advice on what to do after they got out. Give that person a name. Imagine what they look like. Don’t shortcut this step as it will help you disassociate from the emotional side of the task.
Then start brainstorming and see how many ideas you can come up with for that person. Don’t hold back. Try to shock them with the out-of-the-box suggestions that you come up with.
After you have exhausted your list of ideas, go back through them and see which ones really resonate with you. Which ones stand out because they get your blood going? Look at the list with expectancy and an attitude of attacking the problem. Don’t discount any idea out of hand. Don’t come up with reasons you can’t. Come up with reasons you CAN.
Since you say you enjoy writing, there are many options for you. Read books by Seth Godin. If you want some help discovering how to get paid to be yourself, I can personally recommend the Trailblazer program by Jonathan Mead. He is just now starting another class. You can find him at illuminatedmind.net. I am currently working with Jonathan and I expect that by the end of the year I’ll be able to leave my job of over 17 years so my family and I can start traveling the world on our sailboat.
If there is ANYTHING I can do to help, please contact me. You can find me at routetofreedom.net
Mike
Gabe
I am 32 years old with a wife and one child (2 year old boy). I can try to share my own experiences and maybe you could find a solution within them.
I have always been unsatisfied with any job that I have been doing in the past. Inspite of my dissatisfaction I have worked hard at every job that i have done ensuring that I get recognition and remuneration in line with the effort and the impact that I have created at my work place. I have always kept my eyes open for job opportunities which involve better pay and higher designations in better and more stable companies and have made very careful career moves (some may call it job hopping) In every “hop” I have ensured that the profile is closer to what I truly like and enjoy doing. (I am a corporate planner and internal strategy consultant for a payments organization today). Finally I am at a stage after about 8 years of working where my job profile and the work culture of the company is in line with my interests and liking. During this journey I have also built a nest egg which can keep me going for about 2 years on the life style that my family currently enjoys. All of this effort is directed towards achieving the option of choosing “freedom” from bad bosses, bad companies, bad work cultures. I can exercise this option anytime that I want to simply quit and start my own venture or update my skills by joining a formal educational program or remain unemployed while searching for my “dream job”.
My experience and my edvice to you basically is to work on creating such an “option” for yourself. To invest the time and effort to shine at your current job and work on finding another one more suitable to you. To work towards your own goal while doing the above.
A time will come when you have to make a leap of faith to chase your dream – just ensure that there is a safety net underneath. a safety net of money, of contacts within your organization and industry and a history – resume whic you can fall back on in case of failure.
Risk can and should always be hedged.
Hope my comment has been of help and use.
It’s pretty OK working 12 hours a day working for yourself. Too bad it’s not when it’s for someone else.
$60,000 is a relatively easy hurdle to overcome doing something else. It’s if you’re making $100,000, $150,000, $250,000+ where it’s hard to leave.
Right now, you are young and should just go for it.
second this
Thanks so much to everyone who left a comment for Gabe. You all came up with some great solutions that he can pick through.
I’ve talked to Gabe and he’s reading all of the responses as they come in, so if you think of something you’d like to add, feel free to keep leaving comments for him.
Hi Gabe and Tyler,
The analogy of slow growing bamboo is helpful for me, when I feel unhappy in a situation, as well as threatened by change which will mean the loss of what feels like the most important things I need.
Slow growing bamboo grows just 1 inch above the ground and no further for a month… and while it looks like nothing is happening, the root system is growing like wildfire. This then enables the bamboo to grow, after a month, more than 60 feet into the air.
Your unease, frustration, analysis, fear, conversations, exploration are all important because you’re growing your own root system: figuring out what you can put up with and what you won’t. I’m hoping that at 26 you’ll realise that you get what you settle for. A lot of people above, have essentially said, that the consequences of changing and maybe ‘failing’ aren’t so great for you because you don’t have a family.
I think you’ll figure it all out.
All the best.
This is a fantastic exercise – every time we have a problem we should all remember that there are always more than just two solutions. Note to you Gabe: making big changes in our lives usually comes with stress and fear. Just remember that each time you feel that fear and you ignore it and take action instead, that you’ve just taken a step closer to your goals. It’s not supposed to be easy, but once you get the ball rolling it will eventually roll on it’s own. Go for it and act NOW.
[...] you get a chance, read this story. It's about a guy who wants to make a change in his life and is unsure how to do [...]
Hey Gabe,
Not really much to add to all the previous comments, but here’s my personal opinion:
You’re making 60k a year, no kids, and just your wife? Seems to me like a really easy way out… Just save a little, quit the Army, and downsize A LOT on your expenses.
60k goes a really long way if spent wisely. I’ve been reading from people that survives with 17k – 25k while TRAVELING, so it must be fairly easy to save and live of savings while you figure it out.
Yes, I’m recommending to quit and live from savings. That alone is better than staying in a job you don’t love, more if you hate it.
Being a real man, a fit husband, is doing your greater calling, not just getting by. And you probably already know it.
You’re in the army man, You know how to deal with unknown situations, You know that you already have the right tools to figure it out.
Totally agree with Jordan Hale: Just jump. What’s the worst that can happen? not being on your comfort zone? That’s for wusses.
Let us know how you did!!
PD: I myself am getting out of debt, saving and quitting my job THIS year. Don’t know what I’ll do yet, and I have a supporting wife and 5 year old daughter. Can’t be a real man, husband or dad, if I’m not happy with what I do everyday.