I’ve noticed a disturbing trend lately and I’d like to address it. It seems like kids today are staying longer and longer with their parents past the age most consider “adulthood.”
Every year I hear about more and more acquaintances living with their parents and staying longer and longer. This really bothers me, and I’m not some crotchety old man dreaming of the glory days. I’m 25 and dreaming about the here and now.
I have old high school friends that are 26 and 27 still living with Mom and Dad and no plans to move. What’s causing this?
They’re adults still sleeping in their cradles, it seems.
The world’s gotten more expensive to live in, no doubt. We’re in a tough economic climate and jobs are hard to come by, but is that really a valid reason?
The #1 reason I hear over and over again is a lack of money. People just can’t afford to live on their own. The irony, I think, is that most of these people can’t afford to live on their own because they live with their parents.
Truth is, no one can afford to live on their own when they’re young. The fact that some took a chance on themselves and tried anyway is the only reason they made it.
People make things happen when they have to make them happen. It’s human nature to avoid problems until you’re forced to deal with them.
By staying at home and waiting for the perfect situation to arise, you’re denying yourself the opportunity to learn how to respond to imperfect circumstances. This is a big problem because, as we all know but don’t always like to admit, the “perfect” situation never comes.
I moved out of my parents home at 18, less than a month after graduating from high school, to start a job hundreds of miles away. I didn’t have any money and when I got there I didn’t even have a place to stay. I spent a few nights sleeping in my car in motel parking lots before I found a place I could afford.
By some logic, I should be broke and destitute now. But somehow, 7 years later, I’m far better off than anyone I know who stayed home to save money. I’m not the only one. In fact, everybody I know that took a chance on themselves when they didn’t think they were ready ended up in the same position.
Money isn’t the only concern, though. If you stay home too long, you miss out on learning a whole host of other really important “adult” things. For example:
- How to budget and manage bills. You know they exist, but when Mom and Dad are paying them, you never learn what it takes to really make it every month or what the consequences are when you forget about them.
- How to care for a home. I firmly believe that every single person should live alone as an adult before living with others. You gain perspective about your own habits when there’s no one to blame but yourself when things go wrong.
- How to care for yourself. No matter how old you are, living at home will always be a parent/child relationship. You never get the opportunity to take full responsibility for yourself.
- How to develop adult relationships. Sorry, this just can’t be done when Mom and Dad are your roommates. Not on the level you need to really connect with someone.
- How to take a risk. You can do all kinds of crazy things, but you won’t get the real benefit from them when your parents are providing a full-scale back-up system. Risk, by definition, involves a real chance of loss.
All hope is not lost, though. Not by a long shot. These are things ever person has to learn eventually. It’s only a question of when.
If someone asked me for a list of things they could do to get out of their parents house quick and get on with their own life, here’s what I’d tell them:
Don’t save more than 3 months of expenses.
Once you’ve got that cushion, jump ship. It might not feel like enough, but you want to avoid the trap of saving forever and never having enough to feel comfortable. That’s overwhelming and the perfect situation will never come. Trust yourself that when times get tough (and they will), you’ll step up and figure it out.
Move far away.
Any parent is going to hate this advice, but it’s one of the most important steps. Parents that let their kids live at home until they’re 30 are the same ones that bail them out until they’re 50. Likewise, kids that live at home until they’re 30 are the same ones that accept being bailed out until they’re 50.
If you want to take a step to break that chain, you need to take some time and get far away from your safety net. The apartment down the street isn’t going to do much for you. If you take as little as you possibly can, you’ll spend less moving far away than you will moving a house full of stuff just down the road. My friend Everett at Far Beyond the Stars just moved from Brooklyn to San Francisco for $125.
Get roommates.
They’ll lower your living expenses considerably and help you learn how to live with other diverse adults. Like I said though, I’d try to live by myself for at least a few months first. Then, I’d try to find roommates that have also lived on their own. This will make the transition a lot easier.
Move to a cheap part of town.
When you’re young, the cool part of town is very appealing, but you’re also broke and living there is really expensive. You’re able bodied. Move to the outskirts of the neighborhood and walk or bike. The cool neighborhood will be moving soon, anyway. They always do.
Most of all, just believe in yourself.
Easier said than done, I know, but that’s what it’s going to take. Most people stay home longer than necessary because they don’t believe they can take care of themselves. Could that be true? Maybe, but probably not.
You have thousands of years of evolution behind you. Give yourself a chance to test your abilities. Even if it doesn’t work out, you won’t regret it.
Over to you: What advice do you have for someone that wants to leave the nest but doesn’t know where to start? Let me know in the comments.
~~~~~
Image by: ex.libris
Tyler, I agree with you that it is a disturbing trend. What I find even more disturbing is the trend of young adult males who get kicked out of their parent’s house then proceed to move in with their girlfriend to let her support him.
I sense you’ve experienced a situation like that, Judy!
Can you hear my cheers and applause?
I’ve also watched the ‘adults in cradles’ trend among my friends, who are parents and grandparents that enable and/or encourage their children to stay in the nest a little longer.
I recently turned 61. When I graduated high school I went on to college partly because I wanted to and partly because it was expected of me. During my junior year I dropped out, bought a plane ticket and backpack, and took off for Europe not knowing what the heck I was doing. Best decision I ever made. Ended up staying for 5 years when I didn’t have enough money to return home. I could write a book about what I learned and I relish the adventures I had.
I’m not saying everyone in their 20′s should do what I did, but do something besides live with your parents. There’s never an easy time to move out and get on with your own life .. probably never has been an ideal time. Just do it before you become dull, boring, and forever dependent on others. Yes, it may be difficult but you will amaze yourself daily and discover why life is worth living.
That’s a book I would definitely read, Kathy. It’s never too late for anyone, but there longer you allow yourself to depend on someone else, the harder and harder it becomes to break free.
I need to do this. Right now I’m living with my 33 year old boyfriend for the summer, who is living with HIS mom, and has been for closing in on 7 years. She is 70, and mean, and on top of “saving money” he says that he’s just staying there to bar her from selling the property when she retires.
I know it makes no sense. I’ve told him it makes no sense. But he won’t leave.
I promised myself I would not go back there for subsequent breaks. If I have nowhere else to go, I’ll go camping.
Tough situation. It sounds like you’re determined though, so I’m rootin’ that it works out for you. It’s going to be a tough road ahead and I think not going back will probably be the first of a number of decisions for you. Good luck!
Tyler, the more I read from you, the more I wish you were MY son! LOL I currently have a 15 year old at home. My 28 yr old son moved out promptly at 18 to give it a go. He came back after about 4 years but got right back on his feet and moved out again. My 15 year old seems to display the same “gusto”. I think the trick is to give them motivation. Preparation from the parents is essential. If the kids still live with you it’s because you haven’t encouraged otherwise. Parents need to show their kids the actual FUN side of being grown up. When kids choose to stay behind, it’s a laziness from all involved (kids AND parents) and doesn’t do anyone any good. In the rare case where a child stays behind to care for a sick or elderly parent, they are already living an adult life – the hard way. But for those who don’t want to move on….. well, you have no idea what you’re missing!
Move Far Away–this is an argument I’ve had with my dad over and over. He insists I would have had the same adult experience 30 miles away that I had 350 miles away when I moved away at 18 to college. It wasn’t all good, but it’s an experience I wouldn’t give up for anything.
Definitely agree, though, that everyone should live on their own for awhile. I’ve seen too many people my age (25 as well) go from their parents’ house to their SO’s house, and I know they’ll be in for a big surprise if they ever find themselves on their own.
Tyler,
This is great. I totally agree with what you have written. I moved 5 hours away from home to take a job after college. I had very little money – in fact I still have a huge pile of student debt, and with the salary I was about to be making, I wasn’t sure I was even going to be able to afford living on my own, but decided to take that leap. I am greatful I did because I’ve learned a ton of life skills, learned a lot about myself, and actually ended up with a little extra spending cash every month after the bills get paid. Like you said, you simply have to get out there and do it, and unfortunatly it seems most people are scared of that.
There have been many articles about this in the press.
I couldn’t wait to leave home. The morning after high school graduation I took off in a van with some other kids who dropped me off at the opposite end of the US. I worked as a waitress and in a cannery and rubber decoy duck factory while living in dumpy rooming houses for a year. This life gave me enormous impetus to put myself through college and get a decent job so that I wouldn’t ever have to go through that again. It was tough and often lonely, but I became strong and resourceful.
I’m 53 now, and notice that most people today coddle and overprotect their kids. One friend gave her 11-year-old daughter a credit card and brags that the kid’s hobbies are “shopping and TV”. Another helicopters, fussing over her kids nonstop and dragging her 16 and 18 year old everywhere with her; a third bought her son a brand new BMW when he went into landlording so he’d “look” successful.
I agree with Tyler that kids would greatly benefit by taking most any job, living in less than perfect quarters and boot strapping their own way “up”.
For example, an article in the New York Times this week featured a kid who’d been living with his parents for two years post-college graduation. He’d just turned down the only job offer he’d gotten–$40,000 per year–because he felt he rated a more glamorous entree into the work world. He was going to keep living with mom and dad and looking for something better.
Tyler, this is a great article that needs to get into the mainstream press.
Tyler,
I moved out on my 1st paycheck when I graduated nursing school at the age of 19 and only made $7.76 per hour in 1991! I experienced the joys of friends, cook-outs, budgets, windfalls, downfalls, sports cars…after my yearly raises, lol…and back home again at the age of 22 for back surgery. However, after the recuperation period was over, I got back on my feet, back to work, and out on my own again. There is nothing like the positive satisfaction of supporting yourself and learning independence before marriage and children! Women should learn to be independent, especially with the high rate of divorce. As I ended up divorced and left with a 4 year-old son at the age of 31, I was not so devastated and knew how to survive on my own! I have an ex-boyfriend who is 42 years old and “never” lived on his own! He now lives with his mother “again!” He mooched off me for 3 years when I worked 3 jobs and bought a farm. He has a decent job and 3 kids, 2 of which are in college! What kind of example is it setting for his own kids?! Because of his living with his mother, when he lived with me, he treated me like a 2 year-old. I think this was because he has nearly always lived with his mother and how he has been treated. I couldn’t agree more with your post that people should experience living on their own first! He has never learned to value people for who they are, nor learned how hard it is out there to work, budget, nor save money! Because of his “lack of” experiences on his own, our relationship failed miserably. However, his mother has him right where she wanted him in the first place…her baby right back at home!
One of your best articles. Much incite, for a 25 year old young man. Your family is very fortunate, and so are you, for you picked up on a lot of lessons learned along the way, as a youngster and teenager and now — as a young man– your advice is very beneficial to many. Pat
Well said, Tyler.
I liken this to people who really want to have a child, but wait for the “perfect time”. At some point you just have to try.
I think that moving out is not necessarily the best thing to do if you’re going to stay in the same city anyways. It really depends on the living situation you have at your parent’s house. A friend of mine spends about half of each year traveling, and half of it at home with his parents. They are great people, there’s plenty of space, and the money he saves will take him a loooong way in Ghana or Brazil.
That said, I left home at 19 and changed continents, and totally can recommend this. But I wouldn’t make it a “rule”…
I think the least parents can do when their kids have earning potentiality is to start charging rent at market rates.
I am a bit torn on this subject though. On one side, moving out splits up the family and creates a society full of single house holds and nuclear families. (I think that the loss of one’s tribe has created a costly loss of belonging.) On the other side, the moving out seems to be a quick road to force responsibility unto a young person.
On a general note, when moving out, it better be sufficiently far away so that the parents are not within easy range. There’s a big difference between moving 1 hour away and moving 12 hours away.
Hi Tyler. I enjoyed your article and totally agree.
I moved out when I was 19 to go to University. Being such a shy petal, I probably never would’ve moved if I didn’t *have* to but, ten years later, I still believe it was one of the most important things I did for my own self-development. It’s difficult to develop a broader understanding of the world if you are cocooned within your parents home. And living alone, with little money, teaches you a lot of life skills (like cooking, paying rent regularly and what to do when your car gets stolen).
I worked (and lived at home) for 18 months prior to moving out. If I had to give advice to anyone, it would be to work and save money first. Not only was I able to pay my bills whilst studying, the work experience helped me get a job later down the track.
Thanks for all the great comments everyone. Looks like a lot of people have pretty strong opinions about this. That’s great!
Haha, this is pretty much why I moved half way across the country when I graduated college (in addition to being a job opportunity).
When you take away the safety net of Mom and Dad being able to rescue you, there is a certain ability to survive that is just there. You do what you gotta do. And once you have learned how to do that, you start to work toward thriving.
Really enjoyed this Tyler, thanks!
Hi Tyler, love your site! A number of my friends feel obligated somehow to stay near their parents. I understand, as my parents have definitely guilt-tripped me into staying nearby. I still choose to live my own life though, and would choose my own independence over security and comfort with my parents any day.
I think as a culture we don’t recognize/know what it takes to be an adult. None of that stuff you listed is ever taught – parents don’t know they should teach it, schools think its too personal or something so they can’t touch on it. Actually, it’s amazing how little we know about developing meaningful adult relationships. So many of my friends are lost and not seeing the light.
Anyway, great post! =]
Tyler-
I would agree for the most part. Obviously there are always situations that are exceptions to the rules, but I think the main thing, as you said, is to take that first step, believe in yourself and just make it happen =)
Keep up the good work
Joel
I really like this article. I have two grown sons (20&24) who live on their own unlike a lot of my friends kids. yes, they struggle but even when my youngest got laid off last winter for a couple months he made ends meet and never asked for a dime. Young adults today dont seem to know how to go without anything and reap the rewards of waiting. They should all live like paupers at some point to mature.
Yahoo just promoted an article on kids not finding work and living with their parents: http://finance.yahoo.com/news/American-Dream-Is-Elusive-for-nytimes-1858628195.html?x=0&sec=topStories&pos=5&asset=&ccode=
Per the usual, they highlighted a kid with an alarming sense of entitlement who didn’t take a decent job in favor of waiting (and having his parents support him) for something “better.” There is nothing better than independence, dammit! I so would have kicked him out!
I’m a big believer in moving out as soon as you’re able (I did while still in high school) and moving a great distance (1500 miles for me). It teaches you so much.
However, I understand that this is also a cultural thing. It’s so very American to strike out on your own (Go West!), etc. Other cultures place a greater importance on maintaining family ties and those that do tend to have healthier communities. Although I’ve read the studies and know this to be true, I can’t help just how very American my brain is. Living with family for extended periods of time just screams EPIC FAIL to me. But I wonder sometimes if we wouldn’t all be better if we focused a bit more on interdependence vs. independence?
Well me and my husband are having problems…he’s 35 and I’m 29. Well he was the established one when we married and now he’s moving back with his mom with 3 kids to which he has custody from previous relationships, and I am staying in VA in our home with our 2 boys to take care of all the utilities while he continues to pay the mortgage. I am gaining some independence of my own finally and learn some things. Now is he apart of one of those exceptions where it is smarter for him to move back with mom because of the kids? Because I told him he was a momma’s boy and needed to stay and work it out instead of giving his mom his accounts and controll of his assets.
Living at home has its perks, but I found that after spending four years away at school and coming home, I kept slipping back into the same mindset and patterns that I had as a teenager. Not so good when you start limiting what you can do because you’re thinking of yourself as someone who “needs permission”.
It wasn’t until I really looked at the excuses I was giving myself and saw that I was hiding behind family as a reason NOT to take big risks, that I took a deep breath… and made the first step.
So in a couple weeks, I’m moving from Toronto to the UK (with all my belongings needing to fit in a 44lb. suitcase) and even though it freaks me out (no job, no apartment, no friends over there) I bought the plane ticket. So I can’t wiggle my way out.
My dad might be the most upset. I think he secretly hoped that the farthest I’d ever move was a few houses down the street… (although he moved from London to Toronto at 21)
But I love your articles on risk! I lost your site for a while and spent a week trying to figure out how I get here, but that won’t happen again!
Where are the answers?
Sociology
Psychology
Humanities
When something is changing in a culture, there is a chain of events, causes and consequences.
Expecting things to be like they were before, hope that the solution that worked before would work now is unreal, evolution comes with its own issues.
Not all times past were better. Family unit since ancient times has been a survival mechanism that has been diverted by consumerism… if a family shares a house, there is less need to spend money on filling the house that each child can potentially fill with furniture, appliances, paying bills, etc.
Sociology
Psychology
Humanities
I would have moved out of my parents home if I had only realized I didn’t have to own everything that they did. I’ve been out on my own for about a year, I was one of those who lived with them until I was 26.
After I moved out, my parents sold two of their homes, yes they had two homes, they’re savers and have good credit. Anyway, they bought a new home in a retirement community where you have to be 55+ to live there.
I’ve been out on my own for nearly a year and I only wish I had realized earlier that I could have been out on my own and been just fine. I love them but they coddled me too much, and by coddling me they always made me feel like I never could move out on my own and make it. That is why I stayed.
They always said “its so hard out there, life is so expensive, its a difficult world full of terrorists, rapists, kidnappers, etc, you’re so lucky that we do so much for you.”
Well I’ve made it. If I had to do it all over again, I would have moved out at 18. But at least this is something that I can change, its not like I became some drug junkie. Its really not that hard to be on your own.
Being on my own is probably one of the easiest things I’ve done. Its really not that hard. Its not that difficult. After I’ve been on my own for several months, I discovered far beyond the stars and other minimalist blogs and I now practice minimalism.
Growing up in a middle class household its difficult sometimes to imagine that you can do things differently from your parents. You don’t have to own as many things as they do or make as much money as they do.
My parents own a lot, but they don’t use half of what they even buy. Even though they’re savers and have zero debt, they still buy too much. Btw, I am an only child. I will never EVER EVER go back to living with my parents. Over my cold dead body. I wish I knew this at 18, but at least I did it at 26, I’m 27 now and life is great.
yay for independence! woohoo! btw, I did move far away from my parents, I learned how to do basic things on my own and it makes me feel very good, I feel like if my folks died tomorrow I would be okay, they taught me a lot even though they coddled me, I am not helpless. I can make smart decisions and take care of myself.
btw, I love my parents, so please don’t take this the wrong way. I’m thankful for the things they did for me, I just wish they had loosened up a little and coddled me less. That is all. Even though I’m no longer coddled, I realize I can handle the world and look after myself.
For a risk taker, you may be more risk averse than you think. You seem to ignore (and dish out) the societal judgment people receive for living with their parents. It may be a bigger risk that you were willing to take. You are also forgetting that a younger person living with their elderly parents can have an upside for the parents. I’m a saver and so are my parents and I was always an over achiever, academically and in life (I’ve been to Europe several times and worked three jobs as well as went to grad school to pay for the last two month trip among many other things). I was out on my own for a long while but chose to move in with my parents because of their health and they needed me to care for their house, lawn, and shopping, etc. Wherever I move my parents will move with me. I agree that laziness and selfishness maybe at an all time high, but it is not always the case and I hope that with all of the gen-Xers living with their parents they come to realize what other cultures already do, that the elderly are to be valued for their wisdom, they make better economic sense to take care of grand children (rather than day care) and perhaps the kids will learn something about not being the center of the universe if they have to help care for their ageing grandparents as well. I hope that families and friends become stronger and we stop the alarming trend of ignoring our “loved” ones when they need us.
To answer your question including my philosophy about living independently and being able to help your parents too, buy a duplex. Parents on one side, kid on the other. That way when you decide to go off on an adventure (someone will be there to look after your stuff), and when your parents are no longer with you you’ll have an investment property when you rent out the other side.
Let me chime in with a counter-argument. Two reasons to live at home: saving money for something meaningful, be it starting a business, buying a simple home with a signficant downpayment (50%?) as a step to financial freedom, going to school without going into debt, saving money for that year backpacking trip around the world, or launching a business, art career, etc. While this may not be fly-by-the-seat-of-your pants, simple living risk-taking, having a stable (and close to free) living situation is a great way to make many of these life choices which allow us financial freedom from the rat race, or allow us to enter entreprenuership.
Just as my wife and I determined if we start our own business or farm we would move back to Canada (no worries about health insurance!), having a safety net can help people take risks rather than spend their time in the same old 8-to-5.
If my parents had chosen to live somewhere that was not super-rural, I probably would’ve done this for a couple of years, and would be the better for it.
Speaking from experience, having lived in heavily Hispanic Miami, living with one’s parents need not be unusual or uncomfortable (you can still go out and party …) I suppose the problem you worry about is if one becomes dependent without realizing it, or uses this situation as a crutch to be a slacker (sleep in, play video games …)
Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! This is a fantastic article and is simply the TRUTH! Great job!
I’m 25 just like yourself, married since I was 19, and now have 3 kids under 5, with 2 businesses that me and my wife run from home! That may be a shock to a lot, and it still shocks me almost every day.
I moved out of my parents house when I was 19 years old, newly married with a young baby. Here’s the thing, I didn’t have but less than $100 to our name… we made it for about 2 years then there was no choice but to go back home due to our business not doing well at all at that time.. we came back to my mom’s house with the full intention of getting back out ASAP. We left after 4 months and moved a thousand miles away… the struggles are still there sometimes, and it sure can get tough, but we’ve come out of this so much stronger as a young family…
Now knowing that anything is possible… now knowing that we can start something and build it from NOTHING! It’s a great revelation!
Anyway, I won’t tell my full story here, but I just wanted to let you know that this is a great post!
This week an elderly man told me someting he had lived his life by, he said to put 80% of your energy into the solution and only 20% into the actual problem. This is almost a complete reversal to what I have been doing. This is the basis for young adults who still live at home. It was very enlightning! I love this website and I am going to challenge myself this weekend. I will start slow. I will leave my cellphone dead until Monday. This is really making me smile…
This is a great conversation. I moved out of my parents house at 18 with a 5.00 an hour job in 1982. Had a room mate for expenses but the funny part was my parents tried to lay out my expenses and tell me I couldn’t do it but I was determined and saved 800 to get my first apartment. They did not speak to me for six months they were so upset. My roommates mother actually ran after us in my vehicle to try to stop her from coming with me. Now I think back and both sets of parents were trying to keep us home. My parents are both gone now and I will always cherish the fact that they made me strong and independent enough to stand up to them and move on.
I’m curious to know what others think of my situation:
I owned a business for seven years before a shoulder injury forced me to let it go. After selling off my business equipment, my house, and my car, I took off for Florida (I live in the Midwest) with no plan other than spending time on the beach. I stayed for about a year, resting, relaxing, enjoying the culture and way of life on the beach and had a great time meeting all kinds of new people. I came back to the Midwest where I met (what I thought was) a nice guy. After four months of dating I became pregnant and unfortunately he changed. I tried to make it work for the sake of my daughter but one day when she was about 3 months old, a fight broke out in which my boyfriend became violent. I didn’t get hurt, although his rage did wonders on our town home. I left that day.
I had a job and had been attending some college classes, still not sure what I wanted to do with myself after closing my business. But with a new baby, I knew for certain I didn’t want to spend my life working and attending school and missing out on the wonders of my child. My mother insisted I move in with her and my dad, which was about 4 and 1/2 hours away from where my job and school was. My mom was a stay at home mom and had serious objections to me leaving my daughter in daycare so much. So, I left my life behind and moved in with them. My daughter just turned six and I have about 5 months before finishing my masters degree in a field that I love (graphic and web design). Although I didn’t work and only attended college the first two years of my daughter’s life (I didn’t miss a thing and it was great! I feel blessed to have had that opportunity!), I’ve worked a full-time job and attended college full-time ever since.
To some this may seem as though I’m mooching or unable to fly the coop. In reality, I support myself and my daughter financially whether it’s buying food and clothes to paying rent and other bills. My daughter has not been in daycare and has had dinner every night at the same time with her grandparents that I’m not home to share. I’m responsible for her care and upbringing, but in my absence I know that my parents care for and discipline her they way want.
Now, with all this being said, I mentioned earlier that I graduate with my masters in about 5 months. I quit my job on 6/30/10 for the sole purpose of forcing me into action (not that I needed motivation, just more time). I’m still working hard on my thesis project, but now I’ve got the time to focus on seeking a career in my degree field. I’m also taking on small design projects as a freelancer to build my portfolio and build my own clientele. I am seeking employment in Texas, preferably around the Houston area, but I’m also applying in 5 other states. It doesn’t bother me to move away from my family and I’m actually looking forward to it. I want to live somewhere where winters, especially those with snow and ice, are a rarity. I do have money saved up and could move now and figure it out as I go, however, with a child in tow, I now have to think more about things than I did when I ran off to Florida. As such, I’m looking to land a job before moving.
Now, I think I’m doing the right thing for the stability and emotional well-being of my daughter (her dad’s not in her life at all by the way). But after reading all your posts, I’m wondering if any of you think I’m going about this the wrong way? If I was without a child, I’d by no means be living with my parents, but they change things a little. What do you all think?
Thanks!
Tyler,
First lets start with the fact this website is genius! I love it so far, (I haven’t gotten through the whole thing yet, but I’m loving the posts thus far).
Second, This post really hits home, and I really want to emphasize that every situation is different but for the most part, I definitely agree with you. Especially as a 19 yr old girl who does live on her own and has made it work since I moved out last august.
I’m really excited about my newest adventure which is moving down to California for at least a year to get a license in Cosmetology before I head back to school to get a degree in Fashion Merchandising. Along with that I plan to travel and start my own business. I’m definitely part of the 1% club, but I’ll post more about that on that actual blog. Congrats on your list by the way. I really admire some of the stuff on your list.
As for the blog as a whole I’m loving it.
To TANNEDT: As the daughter of a 15 yr old mom. I think you definitely made the right decision in getting out of your boyfriends life, and getting rid of the dead-beat dad. My mom did the same thing and we are Soo much better off because of it. She didn’t end up going to college, she worked for a while until she met my step-dad at which point she became a stay- at home mom. I admire your work ethic, and want you to know that I cherish the memories I have with my grandparents It made our entire family a LOT closer. And I am sure your child will appreciate her life as she gets older as well. If you want a place with winters, try Idaho. It’s where I’m from originally and it’s amazing. Awesome summers, beautiful mountains, gorgeous rivers, and some cool destination lakes and resorts as well. Hope my advice helped.
Thanks Tyler for the great blog.
Laticia,
Thank you for sharing a little something about yourself that is HUGE for me! I’ve become the ‘mom’, ‘employee’, ‘daughter’, and ‘student’ and am busy balancing my life that it’s nice to hear that at least some of my decisions can result in a positive thing. It was great reading about how much you treasured your time with your grandparents. I, too, grew up near my grandparents and spent a lot of time with them. I have very fond memories of them and I’m so glad I had that opportunity to experience them on a regular basis. Soon I will be moving out to follow my dreams, but I’m hoping that the foundation my daughter has received will last her lifetime. I’d say your mom did a fantastic job of raising you if you are 19, on your own, and unafraid to take on challenges like moving several states away from home to go to school and start your dreams. I wish you the best of luck!
I moved to NYC from GA without a job, without a place to stay for more than a couple of weeks, got robbed at a youth hostel of what little money I had, and was generally clueless. Found a job 3 weeks later and lived on $300 a month after rent and bills. That went on for over a year until I quit and went freelance, doubled my income, but only by getting my ass kicked at work and having a steep learning curve of being self-employed.
There was some discomfort, but I was freaking happy.
Unfortunately I still live with my mother (i.e. violation of #3), which often leaves me exposed to parasitic sacrificial requests in #4 and #5 (also true for organization and people who benefit at my expense). Looking forward to filming the post of destroying souvenirs of my past live though.
great post tyler. really concrete steps you have here.